What is Asexuality?

When we talk about sex, people normally like to focus on the joy and pleasure it brings along. However, did you know that there are also people in this world who do not feel any sexual attraction at all? That’s right, these so-called asexual people do not feel the urge to have sex or even to masturbate. And although most of us might have never thought about this before, asexuality is, in fact, more common than you may think. Around the globe, there are millions of people who experience a lack of sexual attraction towards other people. Below, we’ll briefly explain what asexuality really is and what it means for the people who live with it every day.

What does asexuality mean?

Very brief and generally put, asexually means that a person does not feel any sexual attraction nor the need to have sex or masturbate. In reality, however, the meaning is a bit more complicated than that and might even vary from person to person.

People who experience asexually do not feel any urge to have sex. It has to be understood, however, that this is not a personal choice. Unlike celibacy, asexual people seriously do not feel any sexual attraction, at all. For these people, it’s an intrinsic part of who they really are as a person. Asexual people suffer from an entirely different set of difficulties when it comes to everyday life and relationships compared to people with a regular sexual attraction. This does, however, not mean that their lives are any better or worse. It might come as a surprise but, even though these people do not feel the urge to have sex, they still engage in relationships and they even can experience arousal. Although it has to be said that the latter is experienced in a way different from people who are sexually active.

Asexual people can experience attraction towards people in the way that they want to be around a person or desire to learn more about them. The sexual part is, however, missing. Nevertheless, this does not mean that an asexual person cannot fall in love. On the contrariety, many asexual people engage in a relationship. Asexual people can even have the feeling of being turned on but without the desire to share this with a partner in a sexual way. So yes, although rare, some asexual people do in fact masturbate or use an adult toy such as a vibrator or realistic silicone dildo when they’re alone.

Nowadays, little is still known about asexuality and people are just starting to study and understand the topic. One thing we do know, however, is that asexuality is not considered to be dysfunction but rather a sexual orientation. Asexuality does not necessarily affect a person’s life in a negative way just as being sexually active does not to people who do have sex.

Do asexual people have partners?

As it might have become clear already above, the answer to this question is very simple: yes! People who are asexual do, indeed, engage in relationships and not only among each other but also with other people who do feel sexual urges. As mentioned above, people who are asexual still experience desire and love, however, just not in a sexual way. This means that asexual persons still can be romantic and have desires to be around another person. Although not everybody might agree, sex really is not a necessity for having a healthy and long-lasting relationship with your partner. If people can have sex without love, then why can’t they love without sex?

With respect to having an actual relationship with an asexual person and how this works, there is little to be said. Just as anybody out there, every asexual person is different and thus acts differently in a relationship. Whereas some asexual people may choose to go their whole life without sex, others may have sex simply to please their partner. Not a single person is the same which makes it extremely important to communicate openly with your partner. As long as you share with each other your sexual needs and expectations, your relationship with an asexual person is just as likely to work out as one with a sexually active person.

What to do if your partner is asexual?

In today’s world, many things are based on temptation and sexual well being. Whether it’s movies, books, or computer games – sexuality is everywhere. As of such, it can be shocking to find out that a person around you is asexual. This is especially the case of this person is your partner. If you believe that your partner may be asexual and you want some advice, the Asexuality Visibility Network is a great place to start. On their page, you’ll find plenty of answers to questions related to asexuality and relationships. Also, here you’ll be able to find other people who are in the same situation as you and/or your partner – allowing you to share experiences and ideas.

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